Can anyone help me out over here?

The Oscar Nominated writer and director to whom this site is dedicated.
Post Reply
Posts: 1610
Joined: April 2009
Location: Puerto Rico
I'm trying to write a Batman 3 script and if a miracle occurs e-mail it to Warner Bros. I was wondering if you could give me some ideas and not punk out. I have the first six pages. The villains that will appear

-Jervis Tech/Mad Hatter
-Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin
-Warren White/The Great White Shark
-Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow
-Selena Kyle/Catwoman

Scarecrow will have a small role but it would be a major part in the story point. The plot is Batman thinks he handled most of crime with Maroni dead, the mob in jail and The Joker in custody. But he will face an even bigger threat. The Penguin and Mad Hatter. Penguin having a terrible childhood wants every children in Gotham to feel what he's been through. And no it's not the same as in Returns, the story line is very different. Selena Kyle is the new DA by the way. Mad Hatter wants to rob everyone's minds to become the most successful human being and he helps The Penguin. I need ideas and encouragement to not punk out out of this one. I have tried to wrote other scripts of Batman 3 and haven't passed half of page 1. Please help me! It's my dream to become a great script writer. Probably I won't be as good as Nolan but still I have a dream.

I have a dream! - said by Martin Luther King Jr. and dagn96 :D

Don't make me write my three page speech here. :|

Posts: 1883
Joined: March 2009
Location: Leiden
Hello dagn96 (can you give us a first name? it's easier to talk to :P)

Your idea of mailing your script is amishious, I like that, but I don't think anyone at Warner would pay attention to it. Since Batman Begins, Batman has a lot of new fans like you. There are many, many people who would try something like you did. I think you would have more luck with a Batman fansite rathen that Warner Bros.

I hope I haven't discouraged you, because I'm an aspiring writer myself. To me it's just a hobby, but a kick-ass hobby. So please, continue your writing, let us read it!

I can't really help you with your story. Besides the Nolan and Burton movies, I'm not a fan of Batman, so I don't really know much about it.
Though I have to say that if you're on page 6, you're not really making progress. According to many screenplays, one page of screenplay will be aprox. one minute of film. This means you have about 6 minutes of film, compared with the movies of Nolan from almost 2½ hour.
Try write a Treatment (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Film_treatment) first. It's the basic story of the movie, but not as sofisticated (is this spelled correct?) as a screenplay. Especially when you don't know yet where you're gonna end in your movie, a treatment helps.

Good luck, let me know if this helped you!
Erik

Posts: 1610
Joined: April 2009
Location: Puerto Rico
No you haven't discouraged me. Writing is also a hobby of mine. I'm working in two films: The Dark Knight: Soul of Gotham and another superhero film called Ninja. The first pages are difficult to make since is what the reader pays attention to. But the next pages are easier. It's spelled sophisticated. The longest script I have done is Ninja and I only have 9 pages. Still miracles can happen. Just call me David. dagn96 are my initials but it's to long to write. I'm just gonna post Penguin's history for now.
FADE IN:

A bloody red sky appears. A FIGURE EMERGES. THE BAT-SYMBOL. Bats RUSHES out of the symbol. The screen fills in DARKNESS. We hear LAUGHTER. Mad Hatter’s laughter.

EXT. SIDE ALLEY, GOTHAM OPERA HOUSE - NIGHT

We see Bruce crying as he sees his parents DEAD on the floor.

EXT. SIDE ALLEY -- CONTINUOUS

Three persons walk through it. WEALTHY. A man, a woman and a child.

YOUNG OSWALD
Can we get out of here mom?

MOTHER
Oswald nothing is going to happen to us.

A FIGURE EMERGES. JOE CHILL. The family is alarmed

CHILL
Give me the basics.

EXT. SIDE ALLEY, GOTHAM OPERA HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

Four cops heads towards Young Bruce. One of them is GORDON.

GORDON
Don’t worry, kid. We’re here.

EXT. SIDE ALLEY -- CONTINUOUS

CHILL
Give me the money. The jewelry. Now.

The mother and father do nothing.

YOUNG OSWALD
Mom.

CHILL
Shut up, kid.

Chill cocks the gun.

EXT. SIDE ALLEY, GOTHAM OPERA HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

Young Bruce and the police hear TWO GUNSHOTS. Two polices follows the sound.

GORDON
Let me get you to the station.

EXT. SIDE ALLEY -- CONTINUOUS

Young Oswald looks at his parents DEAD BODIES. Chill overhears the police. Chill runs away. PUSHES YOUNG OSWALD OUT OF HIS WAY. He falls to a sewer near him.

INT. SEWER -- CONTINUOUS

Young Oswald struggles out of the water. Pulls him self up. He RUNS. Trying to find a way out. He sees a light. HEADS TOWARDS IT.

EXT. STREETS OF GOTHAM -- CONTINUOUS

Young Oswald runs his way out of the streets. Runs into TWO WEALTHY PERSONS.

JEAN
Why, Richard, look at him. He’s lost. Should we
adopt him?

RICHARD
If it’s okay with you, Jean.

Young Oswald smiles.

INT. MANSION - NIGHT

We hear Young Oswald’s screaming and Richard’s yelling.

RICHARD
You should not be in my room. Go to your room.

JEAN

NOW!!!

Young Oswald races to his room. CRYING.

RICHARD
This is fun.

JEAN
(To Oswald)
Stop crying, you baby!

INT. MANSION, OSWALDS ROOM - MIDNIGHT

Young Oswald races out the window and into the yard. He leaves the mansion. He heads downtown. CRYING. SOBBING. He looks at the wound of belt lashes in his shoulder.


YOUNG OSWALD
Help! Somebody help!

He passes through a dark alley. A MAN GRABS HIM.

BURGLAR
Screaming will do you no good.

Shows him a gun.

BURGLAR (CONT’D)
You scream, I shoot.

The burglar DRAGS young Oswald to the shadows. As his screams FADE

Posts: 1883
Joined: March 2009
Location: Leiden
It's not bad, not bad. I like the fact that Oswald has the same history as Bruce, though there will be a few questions asked that you can't answer. In Batman Begins there is this court scene, people are only talking about the murder on the Waynes. No one is talking about Oswalds parrents.
You can still make this up by let Oswald having a grudge against Bruce because back then, everyone cared about Bruce's parrents, but no one cared about his.

Also the whole 'adoption', it's way too quick. Let the parrents get Oswald to the police station and let them later find out he is an orphan now and then adopt the kid.
You don't adopt someone you see on the street, the kid could just be lost and his parrents could be looking for him.

And at last; try to work out the flashbacks in small pieces. Begin with Oswald losing his parrents, then go back to 'present' and after a while, you put another flashback in the movie for the next part.
I think that it will have a quite good effect, because with the whole adoption thing, people are going to wonder what really happend in his past, if he was adopted by this nice people, he wouldn't have become The Penguin.

Posts: 1610
Joined: April 2009
Location: Puerto Rico
You see, Chill killed Bruce's and Oswald's parents. All the polices went to figure out who the killer was but they didn't see who it was until they caught him. There was a sewer near Oswald. His parents by the force of the bullet fell down there and their bodies were never found. That's why those gunshot's still remain a "mystery". Those are the first three pages of the script. I'm working on this detailedly. I'm watching Batman Begins a lot so I wouldn't make a mistake. Remember that those people were just trying to make Oswald's life miserable, it will be mentioned later in the film and so will other flashback's from Oswald's life and how he earned the nickname The Penguin. I wouldn't want to go too fast with the scenes.

Post Reply